Depression.

Just read an article on Depression and am thinking to myself that it has always been there. No matter how much I appear on the outside - always sleeping, aggressive, constantly skipping classes, bubbly or whatsoever, there's always another side of me.

You know how they say some people are two-faced. They can be two-faced because a moment they're like best friends, then another moment they turned their backs against each other and start gossipping to others about what-nots. But then the better type of two-faced people are ones where they appear all bubbly and cheerful on the outside who seems to have the best of everything in life, yet the inside of them is all empty. Most of the time this is just like me. The me you know at school and the me you know at home is totally different.

But anyways, one of the medical problems that could lead to Depression as mentioned in the article is anaemia. I have anaemia - lack of blood in the body system. I can't sit for too long in an overly enclosed area eg. an average small sized car. I constantly feel sick in the stomach. That is also why I don' see myself driving a car if I'm gonna get sick all the time. Public transport is the best:) I have no problem getting on a cruise, but the minute it starts the engine and moves, I get really sick in the stomach too. Almost every second time when I stand up from being seated too long, I get all giddy and have this split second of black-out in my head. I think it was worse during the Primary School days, causing me to faint in school a couple of times due to the heat and overcrowded population in the school hall.

In the article, it was also mentioned that Depression could be caused from certain personality traits eg. being a worrier ☑ or perfectionist ☑, negative ☑ or self-critical ☑. Hmmn, isn't that bad? I actually get rather paranoid at times. I constantly think to myself, did I turn off the stove? Did I shut the windows? Have I done this? Did I bring that? This actually causes me to make several trips back home just to check all these things. But looking on the bright side, checking on things constantly is good sometimes because I'm one of those person who never loses her wallet/smart-rider/student card/mobile phone etc. I would constantly check on them now and again. Being a perfectionist is an annoyance to some people at times, so it gets bad in a group project when you want it all perfect and someone else wants to do it another way. The best job I should get in a group project is doing all the data and aligning crap. I excel in it. That's prolly the only thing I excel in academically.

Symptoms of Depression: mood swings, irritability, frustration, loss of interest in life, sleeplessness, alcohol or drug misuse, staying home a lot, poor physical health, an inability to take criticism. Kenneth said I had most of them:/ Die.

Oh and one thing. The issue about me getting skinnier. Well compared to Uni Year 1 Sem 1, that is very true, but then when you compare to when I first came to Perth 5.5 years ago, I'm just getting back to where I was before. It was just super unfortunate that when I meet most of my Uni friends, I was utterly fat. And now, I'm just back to where I was before. But then well, true sometimes that I don't eat. But I wake up at 2pm, by then brekkie time is over. Lunch time? I could eat noodles or whatever, or I could start to think what to cook for an early dinner. You can call me lazy, but then put yourself in my shoes and see what you would do.

I do the grocery shopping, the thinking of what to cook (which is tedious for all who have never experienced that before), the cooking, the washing. I do all the work. I'm not a robot, I'm just like any of you who has 24 hours a day, who spends half her time sleeping, and has lots more to do compared to you guys, and I admit, I'm slow at learning. So I need much more time than anyone else who is doing the same work. I wash laundry half by hand since the washing machine is so useless it doesn't drain. I've got all these things to worry and stress over with, and of course, I'm surviving on a long distance relationship which involves lots of commitment (and quarrels which gets me all upset when the whole Depression thing kicks in).

So all in all, cut me some slack alrights? Don't judge me when you don't get the facts right. Backstabbing people may sound fun, but what goes around comes around.

*Listening to me when I want to talk and simply spending time with me showing that you care was all I ever needed.