You're such a HYPOCRITE!!! STOP PRETENDING!!!

Times and times again, days you would always say,
'Would not bear to let you go'...
'Would hold on to you forever'...
'Would not let go of you no matter what'...
'Would love you and only you'...

Now tell me...

What sort of lies are these???

You are always like that...
You know times where I want you to be persistent, you would never be...
Times where I'm really annoyed, and I just wished you could stop bothering me for a second, you would just cling on to me no matter what...

What happened to all your principles???

What are all these crap you're telling me right now???
'I want you to be happy'...
'You know I wanted the best for you'...
'You deserve a better guy than me'...
'Someone will be better out there to take care of you'...
'Time will heal the pain'...
'长痛不如短痛'...

You keep saying you don't want to quarrel with me, you know I never wanted to too... Do you know how depressing how tiring it is to quarrel every week??? Which couples do that??? Quarrelling once a week is still considered not too bad, there's times where we quarrel twice a week... You reckon I wanted that???

You know what I always needed, I know you couldn't give me it, as much as you try to, but is this all you can do??? When I told you all I heard you saying after all that was basically trying to summarise into 3 simple words, 'Let's break up', and all you can say at that moment was 'Sorry'... Is that the best you can do??? Was there nothing, nothing at all you could say???

You never even try to salvage this relationship... All that you said, it sounded like you meant it, deep down your heart, all along you've been thinking of that... It wasn't a moment of spur, it was you, all along, having that thought... Turning to bed not long after, switched off your main mobile, now what are you trying to hide??? With me crying like a mad woman, red swollen eyes, and you sounded so I've heard, perfectly fine-.- It wasn't the first time I've cried over you, and you know that... Is this what your definition of love is? Is love like a kite to you??? Pull it close tight to you when you feel like it... Let it go further away when it's too much to bear... Finally let go of it when you're tired of it...

Isn't this you??? Always pretending to be a nice guy... A gentleman??? Oh how noble you are right now, trying to think in my perspective, thinking that without you my life would be better... Yes of course, my life would be better, I would have more time to study, less time to think about dumb stuff, oh yes, that's right... And you think this is love, don't you??? Love to you is something you can put down when you want to??? Love is without you in my life... Well, have you ever thought that, has it ever come across to you at all that, without you may not be a good thing??? If true love comes and go so easily, then would people get so emotional??? Without you may be a good thing, but you think that with loneliness surrounding my house, I wouldn't get emo thinking about you??? Missing you??? You filled my house with pictures of you, with objects like toys reminding me of you, with memories of you, then there you go SLAM and walk away... And that's your so-called final decision after a very long time-.-

With me here sobbing, with you there sleeping soundly, sounding alright when I've made someone rang you up... To think that I actually thought you would be upset, but when that someone got back to me saying you sounded perfectly fine on the phone, you just didn't know how hurtful it was to hear that... You must be moving on quite fruitfully in your dreams, while I'm still awake here, not knowing what's my next step... I haven't heard your voice for 24 hours now... Perhaps your voice will become a mystery soon... I seemed to have bad memory sometimes... Certain things I want to remember!!! But I forget them-.-

Because you said you were tired, tired from all your daily activities, you wanted to sleep earlier, I didn't want to let you go, because I felt that you never even spent any time on me, and now you wanted to go to bed, so we quarrel a bit... Then we're talking about the same old stuff like how your TOP PRIORITY is ALWAYS family, friends, homestay family, socialising... When everything is done and settled, oh yes that's when you remember there's a lonely soul waiting at home for you... That's when you call me up, try talk to me... You never realise certain things when I needed you, I needed you at that moment... When you come back to me at night and ask what's wrong, you really expect me to repeat the whole situation to you again??? It's already enough that you weren't there for me at that particular moment, you still act as though nothing went wrong, and it's necessary for me to tell you what's wrong... Can't I get upset??? Don't I even have a right to get upset???

You always said how important I was to you... Well aren't you still afterall letting go of this importance in your life??? Everything you ever did always contradicted with your life... But still, after all that you've hurt me, why am I still standing right here??? Pinning hopes that something miraculous might happen??? Wishing everything will be fine after you wake up??? You never even ring me at all, or texted me today... Does this marks the end of everything??? And why am I still sobbing like a baby... Why did you convince me at the start that everything will be fine??? Why did you make it sound so easy??? Why are you the one who always said you will hold on to the end, yet letting go at this moment in time??? I know you're at your limits too, but really... Is this the best you can do??? And would you stop pretending that all will be fine when deep down in your heart you freaking know it's NOT!!!